Tuesday, November 17, 2020
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
I shared the below post on my social media page 4 years ago. It will always ring true.
At age 17 I made one of THE most important decisions of my life. Unbeknownst to me, this would the first decision that would ultimately save my life by setting my journey on a course that would one day allow me to be “in the right place at the right time.”
We can never know how any decisions we make will play out. We do the best we can in the moment, hoping that one day, we can look back, when hindsight is 20/20, and that things played out in our favor.
I can sit here and re-play so many moments from that day in my head. Very cognizant of the fact that had I chosen the alternate option available to me at the time, there’s an extremely high probability I would not be here, writing this post today.
Days and moments like these really can play on and challenge our beliefs and perspectives about life, purpose, Divine Intervention (or lack there of), The Universe, chance, timing, and so on.
Happy Veterans Day, my Slayers and Slayer Lovers.
Persevere. Rock on.
I'm gonna get all reflective on ya! Surprised? 😉
As I see my timeline flooded with basic training pictures from all of my friends that have served and deserve to be honored on this and every Veteran's Day it makes me look back on my life and remember the exact day that I made the decision to join the military ... and THAT day was "THE" moment in my life. That ONE moment that I can definitively look back upon and know down to my toenails that is was THE single most important decision for the rest of my life ... even in comparison to the fact that just 12 hours before the attacks of 9/11, I had plans to be at the WTC that morning...still...joining the AF is THAT ONE pivotal moment.
I can't recall why I knew that "home" was not where I would stay. I knew at an early age that I had to "get out". On July 7th, 1994 I went to the recruiter and signed the papers. I was ready a year before I even graduated from high school.
I've never looked back. I've never regretted it. In many ways THAT day and that decision saved my life.
I joined the military in part to see the world. That didn't happen in my Air force career and though I was bitter at the time, I am ever so grateful now that I never did. I landed right where I was supposed to. I learned some great values. I served a mission I am proud of and actually saved lives doing it. I made great lifelong friends. I have some great memories to include yelling at a Captain in the hospital and living to tell about it!
Had my military career taken me where I originally wanted it to, I wouldn't have the people I have in my life and there's a possibility that I wouldn't have the health, as sketchy as it is, that I have today. In "not getting what we wish for is sometimes a blessing in disguise" - had I traveled, I likely would not have been living in Maryland when I left the military and be fortunate enough to be referred to and have access to TThe Johns Hopkins Scleroderma Centerfor my treatment so early on in my diagnosis.
Interesting how Veteran's Day can make one thankful in such a different way. One decision made differently and our lives can/could be exponentially different than they are today.
Wander. Believe. Live. Dream (big dreams). Love. Grow.
Sunday, November 1, 2020
Tuesday, October 27, 2020
Thursday, October 15, 2020
Thursday, October 8, 2020
Wednesday, October 7, 2020
Happy Hump Day, my Slayers & Slayer Lovers! Going everyone is well!
Fourteen years. That’s possibly a conservative guesstimate, too. Fourteen years is the length of time that clothing/fashion/wardrobe have been an ongoing challenge. A maddening, infuriating, cash sucking, meltdown inducing, pain in the ass challenge. It makes me high maintenance in an area where I want to be anything but!
As Scleroderma symptoms have waxed and waned. As Scleroderma has altered my physical being and added new challenges - my wardrobe sometimes, oftentimes, has to adapt. Just when I think I’ve nailed an item, it seems my body changes and that style of item is no longer functional.
Additionally, as Scleroderma has changed my physique, the more androgynous characteristics have come fully front and center. Any glimpse of myself in a mirror and I see my father, in his unhealthiest form. I don’t spend any time in front of the mirror nor do I take selfies often for this reason.
I don’t dwell on it. I don’t lose sleep over it. It doesn’t plague my self esteem. I just don’t like what I see, so I don’t look.
Recently I’ve started purging clothes again, as the tank tops I live in are a struggle when I have elbow sores or my shoulders are hurting. They also put my skeletal upper body on display. When I was healthy and had awesome shoulders, biceps, and traps, I was proud of that work. Now, there’s not a muscle to be found. You can’t miss my collar bones, the joints in my shoulder, my shoulders blades, my vertebrae. It all just sticks out.
So, newer functional shirts that will still be cool and airy in the Florida heat AND hide the things I don’t want on display were in order.
I got lucky!
The first time I tried this shirt on, I cried. Cried, y’all! Happy tears for once. Over a shirt. This shirt gives me all the feels.
The sleeves and flowiness of it make it an airy, cool replacement for tank tops. It’s stretchiness makes it easier to get in and out of. In the winter I can layer it over long sleeve tees or under a cardigan some bigger sweaters I have. I can dress it down around the house. I can pair it with a skirt or dressy pants with accessories and dress it up.
It disguises my skeleton frame. It didn’t make me want turn away. I didn’t see my dad. It made me feel recognizable as a female.
I’m confident clothing is a big struggle for a lot of folks in our tribe. It’s a struggle for a lot of people in general. I’m sorry. I wish THIS was not something that we struggle with. I’ve learned to put a positive spin on the constant changes to my wardrobe and instead of getting upset over the “wasted money”, I get joy in knowing that I’m helping struggling woman - as the things I get rid of get donated to women’s shelters or veterans organizations.
So, this week, I’m happy for this new clothing find. It is EVERYthing I need in a piece of clothing right now. I will likely buy it in every color. I’m a simple girl like that.
Persevere. Rock on.