Not The Plan

I had scans in April and everything was great. No growth. No change. 

Sometime after that. May/June, maybe, I started having sciatica issues. Or so I thought. I’ve been through all the things. Yoga usually helps, to no avail. Saw my doctor. Had X-rays. But nothing was standing out. I was still in bad pain and very quickly moved into not moving well, at all. August was still a lot of fun and adventuring with my son while managing mild pain. I was traveling in September and by the end of the trip I was miserable. I can’t a cold in PA and fortunately fought that off like a champ, but the back/go only increased each day, it seemed. 

FF to October when my chiro ordered new X-rays. These showed some big changes in my lower spine and my hips. So, we started trying to work on that. 

Next up,  it was time for my 6 month cancer screening. That has shown that the lung tumor has grown. It’s no longer just on the surface, it’s now growing into my lung and has spread. To my thoracic spine, both of my hips, and my lumbar spine, at a minimum. Hence the continuing saga with my left hip and lower back pain … it’s actually a new tumor that is fast and aggressive. It has eaten the bone and is starting to eat muscle tissue. 

We’re doing all new PET, CTs, etc. To make sure we are on top of all the “new” things. 

I’m starting “targeted” therapy on the 28th. They are infusions that attack a specific cancer protein and try to turn it off to see if it will slow the growth. This is instead of chemo that kills healthy cells, too. This isn’t a cure. This cancer is aggressive. So, we’re shooting for as long of a good quality of life as possible. 

So, here’s where we’re at:

~ I’m NOT feeling ill or icky. 

~ Pain is my #1 struggle. It’s pretty intense at times. Definitely immobilizing. 

~ Scleroderma is quiet and causing no issues, but has decided to pass the baton on to lung cancer to see what IT can do. 

~ I’m breathing fine. My O2 sats haven’t dropped below 98%

~ Mobility. Or lack thereof. My #2 struggle. I walk with a cane now and this has been such drastic lifestyle change, virtually over night.

~  AND I've hit new exhaustion levels this weekend. I had no idea I could get MORE tired. I guess I was wrong. 

I could make work arounds and such, but you know what? No. Nope. Not this time around. I’m taking the help when I can, to make my life easier. My son lives here now and is taking care of horse feedings and all the heavy lifting around here. My daughter will be here soon and will take on whatever is the best fit for all of us. All my loved ones have offered to help as well. I really do have the best support system - now I just have to stay out of my head and be diligent about using it. 

Definitely NOT the news I was expecting. Yet, here we are. I’m still not sure where my feelings are other than the usual … “well. That didn’t go as planned. Guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Persevering and rocking on in the next leg of this journey - that’s what we’ll be doing over here!

💋🤘🏼