Put It On My Tab

It’s been an interesting journey, navigating a lung cancer diagnosis after living with a chronic illness for 99% of my adult life. 

After the initial shock, I’m not affected by it now. Aside from being completely over the increase in medical appointments and the addition of members to medical team, I really am not emotional, stressed, or worried. 

Yes, “I have cancer” is one of my first thoughts in the morning. Yes, it creeps into my brain throughout the day. Yes, it’s “annoying” to now have one more thing to add a check next to, circle, and/or discuss with any healthcare individual I have appointments with. 

No, I’m not one bit excited about surgery. Who is? Initially I was freaked out about surgery, but having met my surgeon and his amazing team, I’m good. 

I have cancer. AND. I am not worried. I’m not stressed. I’m really not giving it much more thought than being aware that it’s there. Aside from a little occasional discomfort when I need to be adjusted by the chiropractor and knowing it’s there because of scans and testing, I would not have the slightest inkling I have Neil Neoplasm, the squatter living in my chest. 

I haven’t cried about it since the week of diagnosis. It’s not worth my negative or sad energy. it’s not worth the negative hormones. I think living all these years with repeated diagnoses that have come with Scleroderma and its treatments, in addition to the techniques and perspective shifts I’ve gained through yoga have given me the ability to accept this as “just one more thing” for me to “slay”. 

I have four horses, four cats, four chickens, and two dogs that I have made promises to. I have promised they would never be mistreated again and that they would live out their lives only being loved and cared for. I HAVE to see them through until it’s their time to cross over. 

I have a cross-country solo Jeep trip with a stop at Moab for Easter Jeep Safari to cross off my life list. That goal was set in motion when I was a kid and watched Terminator with my parents. I HAVE to see that through. 

I have to drive to Alaska. Aside from Hawaii, I’ve actually driven my own vehicle through the other states. Alaska is the ONE state left before I can check all 50 (plus Puerto Rico & the USVI) off my life list. I HAVE to see that through. 

My work with Yoga for Scleroderma is nowhere close to being complete. I still have advocacy and support efforts to share with the Scleroderma and chronic illness communities. I HAVE to see those through. 

Meh. I have cancer. “Put it on my tab.” I’m not done yet. I will continue to do the only things I know how to do …

Persevere. Rock on. 

💋🤘🏼

“Fight the good fight. Live the good life.” ~ Dr. Fred Wigley

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