Wardrobe Battles

Happy Hump Day, my Slayers & Slayer Lovers! Going everyone is well! 

Fourteen years. That’s possibly a conservative guesstimate, too. Fourteen years is the length of time that clothing/fashion/wardrobe have been an ongoing challenge. A maddening, infuriating, cash sucking, meltdown inducing, pain in the ass challenge. It makes me high maintenance in an area where I want to be anything but!

As Scleroderma symptoms have waxed and waned. As Scleroderma has altered my physical being and added new challenges - my wardrobe sometimes, oftentimes, has to adapt. Just when I think I’ve nailed an item, it seems my body changes and that style of item is no longer functional.  

Additionally, as Scleroderma has changed my physique, the more androgynous characteristics have come fully front and center. Any glimpse of myself in a mirror and I see my father, in his unhealthiest form. I don’t spend any time in front of the mirror nor do I take selfies often for this reason. 

I don’t dwell on it. I don’t lose sleep over it. It doesn’t plague my self esteem. I just don’t like what I see, so I don’t look. 

Recently I’ve started purging clothes again, as the tank tops I live in are a struggle when I have elbow sores or my shoulders are hurting. They also put my skeletal upper body on display. When I was healthy and had awesome shoulders, biceps, and traps, I was proud of that work. Now, there’s not a muscle to be found.  You can’t miss my collar bones, the joints in my shoulder, my shoulders blades, my vertebrae. It all just sticks out. 

So, newer functional shirts that will still be cool and airy in the Florida heat AND hide the things I don’t want on display were in order. 

I got lucky! 

The first time I tried this shirt on, I cried. Cried, y’all! Happy tears for once. Over a shirt. This shirt gives me all the feels.

The sleeves and flowiness of it make it an airy, cool replacement for tank tops. It’s stretchiness makes it easier to get in and out of. In the winter I can layer it over long sleeve tees or under a cardigan some bigger sweaters I have. I can dress it down around the house. I can pair it with a skirt or dressy pants with accessories and dress it up. 

It disguises my skeleton frame. It didn’t make me want turn away. I didn’t see my dad. It made me feel recognizable as a female. 

I’m confident clothing is a big struggle for a lot of folks in our tribe. It’s a struggle for a lot of people in general. I’m sorry. I wish THIS was not something that we struggle with. I’ve learned to put a positive spin on the constant changes to my wardrobe and instead of getting upset over the “wasted money”, I get joy in knowing that I’m helping struggling woman - as the things I get rid of get donated to women’s shelters or veterans organizations. 

So, this week, I’m happy for this new clothing find. It is EVERYthing I need in a piece of clothing right now. I will likely buy it in every color. I’m a simple girl like that. 

Persevere. Rock on. 

💋🤘🏼