“You can do anything you set your mind to.”
That is toxic positivity. A phrase I used to use and will never again utter to anyone. The idea that if you work hard enough, study hard enough, plan well enough, you can do anything. That’s just not the case for everyone. Period.
Yes, there are plenty of people that have pulled themselves out of the gutter to attain a career or lifestyle they wanted. There are individuals that have come through debilitating injuries in order to do a “thing”. Yes, it CAN happen. For some. Not for everyone.
AND THAT’S OK!
This is where radical acceptance comes into play. “Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren't going the way you want them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering” or “completely and totally accepting with our mind, body and spirit that we cannot currently change the present facts, even if we do not like them.”
Some see it as giving up or settling. The key here is the suffering portion. We’re going to have a certain amount of suffering in our lives, it’s inevitable. However, if I can lessen my suffering by accepting the fact that some things just aren’t going to happen because my body or my brain just don’t work in that way, then why wouldn’t I? Sure, it’s going to suck. There will be some grieving that “loss”, but there are a myriad of other things that can be done to find joy and happiness. Maybe even find adaptations of that “thing” that I want and still find happiness in it. It doesn’t always have to be all or nothing.
Scleroderma has altered my body in ways that make some things impossible. There’s just no way around that. No matter how hard I try. Some things just aren’t functional. Some things aren’t safe.
Though I never need to, in my yoga practice, I’m never going to do a hand stand or put my foot behind my head. It’s just not going to happen no matter how much I “put my mind to it”. No matter how many props I try or modifications I come up, neither of those forms work for this body. AND THAT’S OK! There’s so much more to yoga that I’m not missing out by not getting into those postures. My practice still brings so much to my life.
Riding my horse is not safe for me with the severe osteoporosis. I “could” ride, but even the best riders have mishaps. Horses get spooked, riders make mistakes, etc. Having horses has become about the relationship, the love, the activity of their care, and riding is no longer important.
Skydiving? No longer going to happen. Paragliding? Maybe.
I would love to own a motorcycle. I’ve wanted one since I was a kid. It never happened and is not feasible. There’s just no way I can maneuver a motorcycle. So, I changed the perspective and added “riding a motorcycle” to the bucket list. Not the same as driving, but I imagined that the experience itself would get me the feeling I was looking for.
I was right. Yesterday, I was able to check another item off the bucket list and spent the day riding a motorcycle with friends (one old, two new) around Daytona. During Bike Week. It was a wonderful day. Surrounded with people that helped me on and off (because that was a challenge!). They kept me safe. They made sure I was comfortable. All without me feeling like they were “trying too hard”. Their company was awesome. The weather was perfect. The bikes were beautiful.
I wish days with this much joy, kindness, and friendship for you all.
If Scleroderma (chronic illness, dis-ease, injury, etc) has changed your life and body to make some things no longer feasible, I’m sorry for that loss. It can be hard to let things go. I encourage you to grieve the loss, accept things for what they are, and shift your perspective to find new ways to enjoy this life to the fullest. I hope you can find that acceptance and “settling” can be beautiful and wonderful, too.
Persevere. Rock on.
💋🤘🏻
No comments:
Post a Comment