PET Scans & Emotions

Today, I headed to this appointment feeling confident, cocky, and a little cranky.  Ready to get this PET scan over and done with and move on with life. Definitely still cranky with all the shit I’ve allowed into my body in order to nip this whole cancer thing in the bud before it gets out of control, while knowing this was the least toxic route to go in that regards. With the thought process that my body will recover from surgery and I can detox from those medications more easily than the alternatives (radiation + chemo). I came in and sat in this chair with a clear head, full heart, and positivity abound that I’m almost across the finish line. This is the last test and I can up my detox regime and get things back on track. 

Then. Boom. Emotions. Tricky little buggers.  We’re all entitled to them. They’re all valid. They’re our own personal reactions to the things going on in our lives and around us. And sometimes they sneak up, out of nowhere and hit us like a f¥cking freight train. 

Here I am, once again sitting in the “toxic trailer”. I’ve been injected with the nasty juice and I’m sitting while it traverses through my veins and then I get to go take a nap while I’m in the tube. Not because they knock me out, but because I’m tired, and really, what else am I going to do for 30 minutes?

For whatever reason after the technician finished my injection and walked into the other room, an unexpected wave of emotions hit me. A flash of the big picture of what the last quarter of 2021 unfolded into for me. An acknowledgement, if you will, of ALL of it. And, a twinge of anxiety about the results of THIS PET scan. 

All unusual for me. Fool me once? Shame on …

Just a few months ago when I was sitting here I was cocky, confident, and cranky that the PET scan I was doing was unnecessary. Cocky that “I” knew better. Confident I “just” had Scleroderma scar tissue. Cranky that I was allowing myself to be filled with nasty things just to prove I was right. 

Well. We know how that turned out. So, I guess today, everything just hit and caused an unexpected cascade. I’m still optimistic and hopeful, but, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m not cocky or confident this go ‘round. 

AND I’ll STILL persevere and rock on while I wait for results. 

💋🤘🏼