Neil Wasn’t Evicted. I Still Have Cancer.

A little evening update for today. 

I’m still in the hospital. Likely to be here a few more days. Due to the scar tissue in my lung the surgical sight has not healed yet and I’m leaking a little air. Not ideal, but not a surprise, either. As a result they hooked Althea (yes, I named my suction box) back up to suction and here we are. I’ve also developed a little fluid in my lung. I probably didn’t help myself here - yesterday when they unhooked Althea from suction, I got lax in my breathing exercises. We’re both back on the job. Between Althea’s suction and my yogic breathing exercises, we’re going to get this squared away. 

My care continues to be top notch. Though this isn’t ideal, I’m in the best place to be for it to happen. My pain is well managed with meds every 8-9 hours. The nerve block has been a saving grace, for sure. 

I’ve been cycling through a whole myriad of emotions. As to be expected. I’m allowing myself time to sit with them all. Then it’s time to move on. 

At the end of each cycle I come back to Gratitude. I’m grateful for this body. This little body has been beaten, abused, and to hell and back from the list of autoimmune conditions she’s been saddled with AND the pharmaceuticals I’ve subjected her to. 

Through ALL of that, she continues to fight on. When in reality, she shouldn’t. In conversation with my pulmonologist yesterday, who’s very straight forward with zero bedside manner, I asked, “if my lungs are scarred SO badly AND I’m in congestive heart failure, how is that I still live the “active” life I do? How am I not on oxygen? Or worse?”

His answer, “I don’t say this often, but, luck. Something has been on your side to allow your lungs and heart to still keep you going in spite of everything going on. You’re an anomaly and I can’t logically answer that.”

Now. I’m not going to take all the glory here. Medicine has saved my life. There’s no doubt about that.  It has also caused some significant other side effects and complications.  At the end of the day, though, this little body has fought hard through diseases and poisons to get us to a point where I could change my perspective, and, in turn, my lifestyle, and recognize the force that she is and that I needed to make her a priority and that I needed to do all I could to help her, help me. Though she be tiny, she be fierce. She has persevered. 

So we’ve been doing this work. There are plenty of times she’s worked harder than me. I’ve not kept my priorities in check. We’ll get it right. We’ll get our shit together. I’m not delusional to think I will have an easy health journey and everything will be butterflies, rainbows and glitter-shitting unicorns, but I do believe we’ve got more chapters to write and more work to do. 

These bracelets came today and they’re perfect. 

We will continue to persevere and we’re going to rock the f¥ck on as long as we can. 

💋🤘🏼