I haven’t been posting anything with in depth content or thoughts. I haven’t really had anything significant to share. I’ve been feeling the best I’ve felt in a long time and have been living my happy little farm life. I now have four horses - all Mustangs. Chickens, cats, and dogs. I’ve just been here managing me, my self care, and farm life.
Let’s play a little catch-up.
Earlier in the year I made changes in my medical team due to the previous facility not accepting my new insurance. Which was OK because that facility is four hours away and I didn’t vibe well with the rheumatologist.
I started building a new team here in the Tampa area and I’m very happy I did. I really like my new rheumatologist. Though he’s not a Scleroderma specialist, he sees a significant number of Scleroderma patients. His team is excellent. It’s all been a great experience.
Well. Mostly.
In getting all of my annual monitoring testing done, he was uncomfortable with a mass on my left lung. The mass has been there for two years, previously diagnosed as a rounded telactasis. Common in Scleroderma patients with lung scarring. It hasn’t really changed in size. It’s not affecting me physically. He still was concerned and sent me to see the pulmonologist, who was also uncomfortable with this mass and ordered a PET scan.
The PET scan showed “hot” for lung cancer. BUT rounded telactasis can throw a false positive here. To be 100% sure, a lung biopsy was done - much to my dismay.
I was absolutely 1000% sure in my heart and soul that this was just the other “thing” and that this was all unnecessary and by the time I got to the follow-up appointment I was over all of it.
I was tired of appointments, and procedures, new doctor bills, and disruptions to my normal happy little life. I went to the follow up appointment cocky and confident as shit! “Let’s get this show on the road and move the f¥ck on.”
“It’s cancer”. I almost dropped my phone and thought I was going to vomit. Those two words are a kick in the gut. A kick in the gut that even having Scleroderma never gave me. I’ve never had such a visceral response.
“The good news is that this mass is isolated. It hasn’t spread and it’s on the outside of your lung. We can remove it and be done. Though we do have to be careful because you already have decreased lung function. It’s not advisable that we take any of your lung because that would compromise your function to a level that will negatively affect you.”
So. Ok. There’s good news. As much as having cancer can have good news.
I cried walking to the car. I ugly cried, Carrie Underwood style onceI got in the car. I spent part of the weekend being emotional, of course. I also spent a lot of my weekend doing Yoga for Scleroderma work and in “therapy” … horse therapy, Jeep therapy, and talk therapy with my loved ones.
Coming out of the weekend I had renewed energy, affirmations, and confirmations that I still have so much purpose and work to do that this isn’t going to slow me down. I devised a plan to ramp up my self-care, diet, and really root into all of the things that I know help to fight cancer with the hopes of being able to just monitor this and make surgery the last resort. Hoping that my oncologist consults and second and third opinions would support my plan.
Again, I was shut down. I was prepared this time, though. After speaking with my Rheumatologist - surgery is the best course of action to ensure the best long term outcome.
It makes sense. I understand it. I still don’t like it. It’s not ideal for my life. It will definitely slow me down for a bit. It will require accepting some things I despise, but also know are sometimes necessary evils. At the end of the day, it is what it is.
I see the cardio thoracic surgeon next week and two oncologists shortly thereafter just to be extra extra sure.
I’m in a good place mentally. Really. Is this something I’m looking forward to? Absof¥ckinglutely NOT. AND it’s just one more thing for me to get through, to kick its ass, and to survive, coming out “on top”. Again.
Welcome to “Kicking Cancer’s Ass, Too” - the title to the next chapter in my story of persevering and rocking on!
💋🤘🏼
(Pics are some of my therapies. Jeep therapy, animal therapy, sleep, sauna, and MORE)
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