Yearly Reflection Time

It’s that time of year! 

Nope. Not the holidays. The time of year that forces me to pause and reflect on my life, life in general, and my journey. It’s the time of year I get a little more philosophical, spiritual, and definitely more grateful. 

16 years. To be honest, 16 years ago, I didn’t expect that I’d be sitting here writing this today. I was hoping for 5 years, thinking I’d get 10 - IF I was lucky. 

2020 has been the worst year I’ve ever had with ulcers. It’s possibly the most sedentary I’ve EVER been - even in comparison to how my body felt “then”. Such a weird thing to witness - how this condition manifests itself at different periods in this ONE body. The ulcers suck. The pain is indescribable. As a result, 2020 was not a party. Regardless, as compared to the alternative, I’ll remain grateful. Grateful that I’m still here and grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and continue to learn on this every winding journey of a life with Scleroderma. 

Persevere. Rock on. 

💋🤘🏼

♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾

2017

Scleroderma Scoop wrote:

My Slayers & Slayer Lovers,

I wrote this a couple years ago, and to be quite honest, I can’t recall what spawned this piece. I can tell you, though, that it’s fitting in any given day. 

Especially today. 

14 years ago! December 1, 2014 I embarked on a journey that had no definitive destination.  I was staring down a proverbial double barrel shotgun and hoping that I was able to deflect both blasts: Scleroderma likely killing me in a year or the experimental high dose chemo therapy possibly killing me sooner ... in the hopes that neither happened and I came out of the fight with my life intact. 

That high-dose Cytoxan treatment protocol is in the top 3 hardest experiences in this life with Scleroderma. One I wouldn’t choose to do again and yet, I’m ever so grateful (mostly) for having done it that one time. The lasting effects that that much chemo can have on a body can be rough. 

It may not have stopped my Scleroderma in its tracks, but it did slow it down and change its path enough to get me to the place in my life where I discovered more options and my own control over this disease. To give me this second chance, so to speak. 

Always grateful for coming through the other side of everyone one of life’s struggles. Always with new perspective and appreciation. 

Ever changing. Ever forward. 

Persevere. Rock on!

💋🤘🏼

♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾♾

2016

A chapter ... or mindless babbling. Call it what you will....

In an instant our perspective of the world and the life before us can be flipped. Turned upside down. 

You can know yourself, have a path, have a plan, be focused and see things clearly....in an instant it can change. 

The catalyst can be off in the distance or it can be right up in your face.

 It can be a glimpse of an image captured in a far off war torn place. It can be the assassination of a president, set to change the world. It can be two towers falling. It can be the joining of two souls. It can be the gift of new life. It can be chronic illness. It can be travel to the ends of the Earth. It can be the end of a relationship. It can be the death of a loved one. 

It can be literally any single thing that can set our perspective askew. 

Sometimes the shift is a gift. A new path. A brighter, clearer view. 

Sometimes the shift can be difficult and suddenly it's harder to make sense of things. It's harder to wrap your brain around The Who (autocorrect thinks I'm talking about music and after repeated attempts to fix it, it's just funny, so I'm leaving it!), what, when, where and WHY of life. 

Though we should want to function in our most authentic manner when moving about the world, sometimes, I think it's OK...sometimes, it might just be better to "fake it 'till you make it" in the hopes that one day we can find our new path and new perspective and can live that truth without faking it. 

Sometimes, we pretend to be OK when we're really not OK. 

Do what you have to in order to "break on through to the the other side." (See what I did there?  Music references abound!). As long as you aren't intentionally hurting anyone - do what works for you, and always ...always 

Wander. Believe. Live. Dream (big dreams). Love. Grow.

And most definitely rock on. 🤘🏼