Do you know the look? I hate the look. The look of "oh, you poor thing" or "how sad" or "what's going to happen to you?"
People don't mean anything by it. But I hate it. I'm sure I give too. I still hate it. It's the look people give when they here about my circumstances. When they hear that I have Scleroderma, and they actually know what it is. What it can do.
Again, I know they are trying to be understanding. Show that they "care." But, I hate it. It's a reminder of the crappy side of my life. The side that I know is there, that I deal with every day, but try to allow (like I have some amount of control over it) to only be a small part of my life. The look reminds me that it can be more. That it can be all of the things I'm scared to death of. The things one hopes will never happen.
Today was blood work day. Yes, it's the happening event every month. :-D The lab here is awesome. Unfortunately, today, my one teeny tiny vein decided to be uncooperative. Maybe it's had too much. It's tired of bearing the burden. It has been faithful for a couple years now.
My technician was clearly upset by this. We looked for a vein in the other arm. I showed her where the original good one was located and told her if she thought she could get into it, I'd let her try. She found it. Buried deep down under there. One stick and a little bit of wiggle and it bled like crazy!
She's awesome. Good at her job. Great personality. She just puts me at ease. I think maybe next month I'll bring her a thank you.