Frustrated

Wednesday, June 01, 2011 2 Comments A+ a-

My knuckles have been VERY sore the past couple days.  Sometimes, excruciating.

On that pain scale of 1 - 10?  Who knows.  I suck with that damned thing.  I'll give them around a 5.  Maybe.

I haven't told anybody.  It's kind of a given, so I don't like to verbalize it, too much.

They just ache.  The pressure in the ulcers just hurts.  The scabby material, doing, whatever it is that it's doing, aches.  Sometimes it has shooting pains.  It wakes me in the night.  Rolling over and rubbing one on the blankets when I move, hurts.

If they get cold from the a/c, it hurts.

Anything touching them hurts.  Even water.

I want new hands.

I would like to just lock myself in a hole for, oh, a few months until they heal.  Yet, I don't want to not live my life.

The idea of moving bolsters tomorrow during yoga, makes me a little nauseous.  The idea of bumping them during riding therapy on Friday, makes me a little nauseous.  The idea of Cooper catching one with a tooth or toenail while he's playing, makes me a little nauseous.

The idea of sitting on the sidelines to avoid getting the ulcers, makes me a little nauseous.

I'm in a lose-lose battle on this one.  Damned if I do.  Damned if I don't.

Just plain, frustrated.

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simone
AUTHOR
June 2, 2011 at 8:35 AM delete

Your hands are so much worse than mine! I wish there was something I or the drs. could do for them...

But I know everything you describe. Even the problem with blankets. Gotta keep the arms and hands warm - but how do you do that and not let the blanket touch the knuckles.

And the shooting pains. And the scabs. Great when they fall off- but tearful ten minutes later.... And they just keep growing new ones - over and over again.

Forget reaching into a purse, wallet, drawer, cupboard.

Like you - though - gotta keep active. I've been trying to do more when I'm on my own, lately. And trying not to feel guilty letting family assist me the rest of the time.

It's wonderful to have others who understand, without having to explain all the time.

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LoJo
AUTHOR
June 3, 2011 at 3:14 AM delete

A, someone who understands the purse and wallet dilemma. I go through a zillion purses. Trying to find the right one that won't hurt my poor knuckles.

It IS nice to have someone who understands. As much as others want to ... they just can't. Thankfully! And they should be thankful for that!

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