Moving On

The failed IVF attempt was a slap in the face.  I couldn't talk when I called my husband at work to tell him that the pregnancy test came back negative.  All I could do was cry.  We're positive and try to think everything happens for a reason and that if it didn't work, maybe there was a reason why.  It was still hard.  All of our friends were getting prgegnant and having babies.  Even the ones that weren't planning on it.  Yet, here we were, trying and not being successful.

The Raynaud's episode, and resulting "emergency" finger surgery forced us to take a step back and look at the big picture again.  This mini flare came out of nowhere.  It swept in in the middle of the night, or so it seemed.  It stopped me in my tracks.  It could have resulted in a finger amputation.  Or at least part of one.

We decided that we wouldn't do another round of IVF.  No pregnancies for us.  The process was stressful.  Exhausting.  Emotionally draining.  Expensive.

There's no way to know for sure, but some info shows a possible link in hormones and flares.  So, did all the extra hormones we were pumping into me cause this?  Or was it the stress and emotional toll of the process itself?  Or just the luck of having Scleroderma?  We decided not to press our luck to find out if it was one of the first two.

We discussed adoption and decided to talk to an adoption lawyer.  Later.  When everything settled.