No, it's not a "treat" I'm happy to be stuck with for the next *gulp* 30-40 (if I'm "lucky") years. It's a drain on me and a struggle, to say the least. It has destroyed some of my hopes and dreams and some of my abilities. Some days, it down right sucks.
In all of it though, it has brought me some great gifts. I've had my mid-life crisis in my 20s and I feel that I appreciate life and try to find the positive in everything.
Those destroyed hopes and dreams? I've let them go. I've realized maybe it was for the best. Does it still hurt from time to time? Hell yes. But, that is life. Suck it up and drive on. Now, I've got new hopes and dreams.
It has made me realize that even though I have it bad, there's always someone who has something worse.
It has made me realize that life is fleeting and wasting time on being caught up and emotional over things that I can not control, is just that - a waste of time. Yes, I can take a moment to recognize whatever has happened. Even wallow in the sorrow and sadness of it. But just for a moment. Then, wipe away the tears and suck it up and drive on.
It has given me the ability to let some friendships fade and give others the ability to shine. It's given me the ability to accept that those faded friendships weren't bad and they don't have to be gone, but that I don't have to be responsible for making them last. I used to think I did. If so and so didn't check in after x amount of time, well, the good friend in me had better tow the line and make the contact. BULLSHIT!
I don't have to make all the effort. Some of the effort, yes. Not all.
People really do grow apart. It's ... just a part of life.
If I look at it like that, Scleroderma might suck, but it's not SOOOO bad and I'm OK with that.
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