One of THOSE days

Friday, January 14, 2011 1 Comments A+ a-

Apparently, I was having too long of a run of great luck.  As "great" as it can be with Scleroderma.

That run has since ended.

It seems sores are like magnets.  They are just drawn to anything that will not feel good.  Car doors.  Jeans.  Counters.  Doors.  Drawers.  Counter tops.  Counter edges.  You name it.  The list goes on.

I haven't done dishes, the cat boxes, or completed laundry by myself in weeks.  No worries, hubby and the boy have been helping, so it's not like those things are spilling over.  It's just that the extended time in the water to rinse, or banging the sores on the dishwasher baskets or prongs, or not having a good grip and sliding my fingers off the edges of things ... they're just not worth the pain and agony.  Not worth the tears, meltdowns and tantrums.  Because, honestly, when something hits a sore and makes it hurt badly enough that I cry or curse out loud, I DO have 33 year old tantrums.  I throw things.  Not breakable things and not AT anyone.  But, I have been known to curse out loud, "growl" and then chuck a Glad bowl on the floor before walking away to go cry.

The handle of the cat box scoop hurts.

Grabbing the laundry, like jeans, pants, anything with zippers or buttons hurt my sore fingers.  And, please, don't let me whack a sore elbow on the washer or dryer!  That's a whole 'nother story.

Am I proud that my reactions are down to tantrums?  No.  But, it's my coping mechanism.

I'm just not strong enough or rational enough in THAT level of pain to do anything else.

So, within 15 minutes, I had 2 of those this morning.  TWO!  And a bunch of little ones to follow.  It's easy to contemplate going back in the bedroom, closing the blinds, putting my pajamas back on and climbing back into bed for the rest of that day.  Or until the ulcers heal.  Not necessarily because I'm depressed, but because it's safe there.  There's nothing to hurt myself on if I'm safely tucked away in my bed.  Well, except the remote control, the edges of my cell phone, a magazine or a book, or my laptop, or .... or ....  or ....

But, life goes on and I have things to do and to take care of.  Commitments, however few and minor, to uphold.  A life that I want to live.

It's currently 38 degrees here.  THAT does not help.  31 when I awoke this morning.  Not much better tomorrow.

I had to cancel riding therapy for tomorrow because it's too cold to be outside that long in.

So, today is just one of THOSE days.  Another one of the ones I hate.  It's more frustrating because it's not something I can change.  For most things, I can "choose" to react a certain way and to "choose" to have a certain kind of day, regardless of the crappiness going on around me.

It's another thing to be that positive about pain.

Alas, I hate whining, so I'm done now.

Here's to hoping tomorrow has something better in store.

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Marianne
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January 14, 2011 at 12:05 PM delete

If it's any consolation, you should be getting your other mitten any day now. You can wear those around everywhere to cushion your hands from the bumps. Maybe?

I love you! I hope your day gets better.

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